Harrow Kitty!

Here I am at 9 in the morning just sitting at my computer and sudddenly I feel inspired to write... about the lamentability of human existence. To sum up, I just realized the human desire for fads. It must be something genetic in us or something because it sure as hell does not spring from rational thought.

Let me give an example. Happy Meal Toys. Now, these are not the sort of things that would normally inspire lines stretching right around the block. But in a little tiny iron fist ruled island in Asia, it did just that.

The setting, Singapore, the raisonde' insaneness? Hello Kitty. Now, you may wonder how a cute cartoon character created for preteen girls manages to create a huge storm in a quiet, regimented island. To be honest I don't fricking know, but I have one theory.




People evolved from sheep not monkeys.



Now, I realize that it is early in the morning and possibly, I am not fully coherent but it occurs to me that is the only possible reason that people would ever, ever buy tons of Happy Meals in order to collect the whole frickin set of Hello Kitty and stand for hours under the blistering sun in sweltering hot weather crushed in a crowd just to obtain a fricking cartoon character dressed in a variety of cultural outfits. It went on for weeks. Hello Kitty in Kimono. Hello Kitty in Evening Dress. Hello Kitty in Cheong sam. Hello Kitty in Malay Wedding Outfit. Hello Kitty in G-String. Hello Kitty in Cowboy Outfit. Hello Domatrix Kitty.

The list went on and on. Over 20 or so fricking bloody Hello Kitty and her male counterpart dressed in some costume or other and people snapped it up like they were possesed. A doctor even got into a fight for chrissakes over the thrice dammed mouthless abominations. It was ridiculous and really got me pondering... what was it? What on Earth was it that possessed people to absolutely freaking-do require the dolls? Was it the threat of genitalia mutilation from their demanding brats back home? Was it their possible latent herd instinct leftover from sheep evolution? What was it?

Find out in the next episode of XXX files. Where I post pictures of scantily clad woman and tell you how f-ing brilliant I am annd you post comments agreeing with me because you're too busy drooling over some ho's tits on your monitor. Whatever, its your monitor, just be sure you leave comments paying homage to my near godliness.

This is Theif of Time, stealing more seconds from your decaying body as you read this and realizing I have totally gone off topic. I too am sheep, getting a bloody fricking blog!

Baa ram ewe, baa ram ewe, a load of C4 will see you through, baa ram ewe. Pass the grass ewe f-er.

DOOM: Resident Evil Lite (Less zombie calories with low grav space!)

DOOM. Other reviews cited the movie as being true to it's name. I wish I could say otherwise. One sees the DOOM logo and thinks "Well, it may not have storyline but god damn theres a gonna be plenty of blood!" The movie dissapoints even in that regard. There is no lone marine rampage through a hell infested complex. What we get is Resident Evil in Space. Literally.

Heres a summary of the plot: Genetic experiment on Mars. However, like all genetic experiments the excreta has hit the rotating cooling device and of someone has to go in and clean it all up. Enter stage right the marines. Led by the Rock and equipped with what can only be called Pulse Rifles these men are ready to kick ass and take names. Except... they don't.

Instead for the first hour or so you get: Marine see big moving shadow, marine shoot shadow, shadow continues running, marine chases, cue music which brings up the hope that Zombie Slaughterfest 2206 is going to start, see shadow vanish, music slowly diess away...along with audience intrest.

One hour and of this crap interspaced with the marines killing off the now zombified research scientists (which isn't exactly massaccre material considering theres only 5 of them and only 4 zombify). Throw in character development for the Doom guy (Reaper) and the whole thing goes where the baddies should've come from. I mean DOOM Guy! You don't give him a back story or make him sentimental. He's the "IN YOUR FACE SPATCHCOCK" guy BFG'ing the hell out of everything in a one mile radius. You don't get him going "The archeological dig... this is where my parents died... boo hoo hoo" He's the freakin DOOM GUY.

I could keep on going on and on about all the flaws. And normally some reviews say stuff like 'Oh, if only they had done this and that it'd have been great" but well, to make this movie even passable they should have stuck to the first two DOOM games for plot and action and just made the setting and monsters DOOM 3. Demons from Hell, guy with shotgun. It doesn't get any better. A 100 minute slaughterfest would've been a great improvement as would have been the storyline. Watch if you really want to, but even hardcore DOOM fans are going to come away dissapointed.